21 Rules For Being A Good Republican<br /><br />1) You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due<br />to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that yesterday's gas<br />prices are all Clinton's fault.<br /><br />2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success<br />all on their own.<br /><br />3) You have to be against government programs, but expect Social Security<br />checks on time.<br /><br />4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives,<br />yet you want government to regulate only opposite-gender marriages and what<br />your official language should be.<br /><br />5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.<br /><br />6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to<br />Allah or Buddha.<br /><br />7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.<br /><br />8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about<br />her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should have no<br />regulation or interference whatsoever.<br /><br />9) You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your<br />hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.<br /><br />10) You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing up black<br />in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote<br />for Alan Keyes.<br /><br />11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50<br />million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have<br />ever been unfaithful to their wives.<br /><br />12) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is<br />bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all<br />Americans.<br /><br />13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because<br />we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.<br /><br />14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the<br />Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.<br /><br />15) You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that<br />Europe doesn't exist.<br /><br />16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve<br />federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the<br />public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it,<br />it will go away.<br /><br />17) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals<br />of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the<br />Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading.<br /><br />18) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more<br />Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.<br /><br />19) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the<br />arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art<br />were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support.<br />After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need<br />any.<br /><br />20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old<br />growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the<br />extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.<br /><br />21) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich,<br />Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that<br />that bastard Clinton should be impeached.<br /><br />[]http://www.amdragon.com/images/eileensig.gif[/]